Virtual Lessons

I've been chatting online, and I do enjoy it for the intelligent conversations -- information exchanges regarding different cultures, witty banters, friendly "debates" over differences in opinions, and generally just the exchange on insights about anything under the sun.

While online chatting is definitely fun, I've realized that it has also helped me a lot in getting rid of my prejudices.

About age. I meet a lot of mature people online. I used to flinch (I know, bad me! :P ) when I learn that the person I'm chatting with is almost twice my age or thereabout. Now, I'm perfectly comfortable talking to people who are almost as old as my dad or my uncles. They actually make for good conversations because these are the people who usually have a lot of wisdom to share, and they do give good advices!

About culture. I used to frown upon chatting with people from non-English speaking countries just because I know that language will be a challenge, and a lot of time will be consumed in trying to make myself understood. Now, I've gotten used to trying to understand what people are trying to say and in making my messages clearer. Plus this is an opportunity for me to learn some words in their language :)

About occupations. In the Philippines, we tend to associate blue collar jobs with the lack of education. Well, I've had a lot of good -- and intelligent -- conversations with people who have blue collar jobs. I also have a lot of online friends who didn't go to college but are really doing well in their careers -- as managers or what-have-yous. Just goes to show that in the end, what really matters is what you make of your life and not whether you're educated or not, or whether you're rich or poor.

About gender. I don't have a lot of gay friends in the "real world", and they actually make me quite uncomfortable sometimes because of how they talk or the things they talk about. Well, since the Internet makes it possible to meet a number of people in a single moment, I have come across some homosexuals (sorry, can't think of a better term), and surprisingly, they're easy to strike up a conversation with. They're actually quite funny, and they pretty much say exactly what's on their mind without any qualms.

Of course, there are also a lot of chatters who just talk nonsense, are rude, or are too angry and negative. Well, you can easily spot these in the first few minutes of conversation, and better to steer clear of such people. Negativity is contagious, and yes, it can get to you even if it's just on the Internet.

In everything I do, I always try to get the lessons that they bring. Well, online chatting is not only a fun and interactive activity but a learning experience as well.

Get Your Act Together

I'm not the most organized person, but I'm not the most disorganized either. A former superior had criticized me for being too organized -- too "black and white" -- that I tried to be more flexible, to be more spontaneous (???).

I still try to be this, but I'm failing miserably at it. The thing is, it's not me. My world goes into chaos when things are not orderly. That's why I'm going back to who I am -- the one who is organized, follows the rules, who sees things as either black or white (I know this has disadvantages, too, but it's the only way I know how to organize my thoughts), plans ahead, finishes things before they are required, and the list goes on.

Planning ahead really does pay off. I tried to be flexible and open-minded about being more "spontaneous" or "erratic", about doing things by someone else's way instead of my own, and what a mess that was! For sure, it led and is still leading to a lot of frustrations -- what with all the wasted time and effort. Yes, that's what happens when you always do things at the spur of the moment.

I've always been a stickler for rules, and although rules can be quite confining and limiting, they still help keep things organized and under control especially when others are involved.

I'm also a go-getter. Kinda bratty, I guess, in that I always make sure I get what I want. But I've learned that not everything is at your beck and call. Not everything will happen exactly when you want them to, so again it's important to plan ahead. This way, the other people or external factors involved in your goal will have ample time to do their part in the accomplishment of your goal.

I can't wait to get some organization back into my life, especially in that which frustrates me the most. I'm freeing myself from the bondage of randomness.

Perfect!

SmartCool is one of my Aussie SMEs and he's absolutely the perfect SME! He's been so nice since day one, and his patience seems unending. I can bug him for hours and he'd still be really cool. He's quite funny, too -- the only SME I've ever joked with. Hmm, he's almost like a chat mate haha...

Plus he even goes out of his way to check his emails on weekends just to see if I have any questions. The product I was documenting was about to go GA, and they were on holiday.

Needless to say I really appreciate all the help and the patience in answering my never-ending questions -- my most favorite SME ever and sorta my "virtual" crush haha...smart and superbly nice... hmm, fits the bill... LOL!

Well, here's my tribute to him!

The Big Picture

It's so easy to lose sight of the big picture when you get distracted by the details. Sometimes you know everything will turn out just fine, but when you look too much into the "sordid" details, even the small issues become magnified.

They always say live for the present. You're never sure about the future. The fact is that the end goal is in the future and all the "gruesome" details are in the present -- they're what you have to deal with now.

Well, I guess this is one instance when it's better to look at the far horizon, which is bright and promising, rather than pay much attention to all the nitty gritty details of the present. They will definitely hinder you from reaching your goal if you let them.

So from today, I'll continue to march ahead, set my sight on the finish line, remove the obstacles along the way that I can remove, and ignore the ones that will only delay my journey.

Mission: Positive

I've just recently finished my project at work, and I've had some idle time after that (Don't worry, my boss knows I'm idle :P ), so I've just been doing a lot of surfing on the web and reading up on whatever.

I recently came across an article on the Law of Attraction, and it really caught my interest. I thought that it was as simple as thinking positive to attract positive things into your life, but it's not so simple after all.

The Law of Attraction consists of the following steps:

Ask. This is the step where you identify what you want to attract into your life. You have to be careful about what you ask for and be as specific as possible. I guess that's why they say you should be careful what you ask for 'cause you just might get it. I guess this happened to me before. I asked for more income, and I was being given so many part-time jobs that it was humanly impossible to keep up. Hmm, maybe I should have asked for a higher-paying job instead?

Believe. This is the next step after you've asked for the things you want to attract into your life. You have to believe without a doubt that you will get what you ask for, and you have to believe that you deserve it.

I think this is the most difficult step for me. With all the negativity surrounding us, it's so easy to be discouraged and become pessimistic. They say that you will get what you ask for only if you believe in your heart and in your soul that you will receive it. How can you eliminate the doubts when you doubt even yourself? What more if what you ask for involves external factors? This is where I need to practise on!

Receive. The last step is when you finally receive what you ask for. However, it won't just fall on your lap. To receive, you should take whatever step you can take to bring you closer to that thing that you want. They say you should be ready to grab every opportunity without hesitation.

Again, this can be quite hard for me. How do I recognize if a particular opportunity is the one that will lead me to my goal? And then there's the fear that comes with trying out something. For example, I ask for a great job, and I do get a great job, but it would require me to relocate. Will I be willing to make the move?

Applying the Law of Attraction isn't so simple. They say it's a skill and one that needs a lot of practice to muster.

Well, I've added this to my personal goals. To apply the Law of Attraction in my daily life, and to think positively in everything. Hmmm.. quite a tall order!

As part of my Ask stage, I have created a manifesting blog. I read that you can create a manifesting picture book/scrapbook where you can put pictures of the things you want to attract in your life. It can be as simple as food that you want to eat or as extravagant as a trip to some exotic place. It also helps to write exactly what you want to achieve (with the specifics!). By doing so, it's like you're telling the universe that those are the things you want to attract into your life, and maybe it also helps you focus on what you really want and not get distracted or discouraged by the negatives.

Well, I don't have the patience to create a scrapbook, so I'm creating a blog for it instead. Hopefully, the universe is techie enough to see my wishes in the cyberworld LOL. But sorry, guys, this blog is strictly private :P

The Law of Attraction is not a new concept, and it is a universal law. It happens to us everyday. We just don't recognize it as such. Like attracts like. We attract both the positive and the negative. If we think that we'll lose in a game then we probably will. If we think that a friend will love the gift we bought for them then the friend will probably love it. If we start the day with a bad mood then bad things are bound to happen all day, whereas if we start our day with a sunny outlook then it most probably will be a good day for us.

Act as if you already have what you ask for. Be grateful for them today.

Source: http://healing.about.com/od/lawofattraction/Law_of_Attraction.htm

Trusting Myself

I was talking to KJ again, and he was telling me to trust myself, to trust my feelings -- that is, the first, and not the second, third, or fourth. To prove his point, he gave me some tests and the results were quite remarkable.

I have always been intrigued by the mind and the powers of the mind. I have become more interested, especially in the esoteric, because of HappySanta. Well, KJ wasn't the first person to tell me that I was "gifted" with these abilities, too. And as such, he encouraged me to trust my feelings more.

My friends know how overly gullible I am, and it's so ironic how I can easily believe what they tell me -- no matter how preposterous they may be -- and yet I find it hard to believe in myself, what my feelings tell me. There have been countless times when I have sensed things, which later proved to be valid, but I usually peg those down as women's intuition. Whenever I sense something, I usually try to find logic in it, and if I can't then I just disregard it as silly thinking or even paranoia.

While I would never try or want to develop these "abilities" -- if indeed there are any (I would consider them to be more of a burden than a gift) -- I should probably try to trust myself more. There have been times when that voice in side me speaks too loudly to be ignored, but perhaps I should listen in even when that voice is a bit feeble. Call it intuition, God's guidance, or common sense, I think everyone's gifted with the ability to discern what's good for themselves and what's not. Maybe it's just time for me to start tuning in more.

Abstract

Where does it begin
And where does it end?
Which direction does it go?

Some colors more distinct
Some not readily visible
But which one matters most?

Brushes go here and there
Some go around in circles
Which one should I focus on?

How do I begin looking at this abstract?
How do I begin to understand?
How do I know that I am right?

With so many interpretations
Who can say what's right from wrong?
Will it have to be to each his own?

KJ's Advice

I was talking to my psychic friend KJ and he had the following advices for me:

• To befriend DirtyPlayer. Well, KJ is the second person to tell me about DirtyPlayer saying things behind my back. KJ advices that sometimes it helps to "suck up" to someone just so they won't give me a hard time. KJ advised me to be friends with DirtyPlayer even if I don't really wanna be friends just so DirtyPlayer would get off my back. However, I can never do that. I hate hypocrisy, and I can never be friends with someone I don't even like! Anyway, I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I'll just let DirtyPlayer say whatever he/she wants to say about me, and hope it does him/her some good.

• To help someone change. Hmm, I don't really believe anyone can change another person. Whatever change a person goes through must occur because that person wants to change. This is a pretty tall order, and I wouldn't know where to start and if I can even do it. KJ also advised me to trust myself, and I interpret that to mean standing firm on my beliefs and values. Well, I guess I'll just have to always be myself, and somehow, I hope this inspires change in this person.

Day 3

After two stressful and emotionally draining days, the sun seems to finally peek out on the third day. With hardly any sleep the last two days and all the anxiety that surrounded me, I realized that I was no longer thinking straight and that I thought and said a lot of things that didn't make any sense.

With this new day, my head begins to clear and I can now see shadows of the answers I seek. It's time to go full circle and go back to how I started. Things were so simple in the beginning, but somehow things got complicated along the way, making me lose track of of my ideals and beliefs.

Hope for the best, but expect the worst. This has always been my mantra, and I just realized that expectations can indeed destroy. It's when expectations are not met that discontent, disappointments, and unhappiness arise. This experience teaches me to be content and happy with what I have and what I'm given and to not ask for more. To accept things and people as they are.

With the sunlight shining again on my path, I am ready to continue embarking on my journey. I just hope the same goes for Infinite.

Numb

I feel so numb
So empty and hollow
Even tears won't come
I just feel cold.

This thing makes me weak
Drains my strength away
Even sleep it takes
Keeps me up and awake.

Questions in my mind
Confuse me from the truth
Answers I can't find
To hold on, what's the use?

Just going through the motions
A mask I wear
A jumble of emotions
Show them I wouldn't dare.

Wish I could sleep
And awaken when it's gone
When the pain's too deep
The feelings become none.

Reality Steps In

Everything seemed like a dream -- a dream that was real nonetheless. When things are going so well, we tend to be oblivious of the world around us, and we tend to forget that anytime we can wake up from this dream or that dream can end without any conclusion, as another dream -- better or worse -- starts.

I have anticipated this. My cynical self has constantly reminded me that no matter how well things seem to be going, something wrong's bound to happen sooner or later. I refused to let anything burst my bubble, though. I continued to sorta be "in denial" that things can and will go wrong.

Well, my bubble burst much sooner than I expected or wanted it to, and no amount of anticipation could have prepared me for this. It's never easy to deal with it when it's actually already there. It's reality stepping in and waking me up from my beautiful dream, yet telling me that my dream can continue after I awake, but not without a lot of work and pain.

Even paradise gets hit by storms. Nothing will be beautiful and good at all times. There will always be things that will rock your boat. But do I just get off paradise because it's been destroyed by the storm, or do I work hard to restore it, preparing it for yet another storm?

Giving up and moving on is always the easy way out, but is it always the best? I don't expect perfection because there's no such thing, but for those who expect it, should they just give up just because things didn't or won't happen the way they want them to?

I am not perfect, and I will never strive to be perfect -- again, because there is no such thing. I am just being real, but something real -- with flaws and all -- would still be better than a fantasy that would only stay in your head.