My Future in Others' Hands?

I've been getting calls from banks and insurance agents trying to sell me insurance. However, this is something I've never bought into...at least not yet. What with all the fiascoes going on with insurance companies lately and the many people who are unable to make claims, I feel quite skeptical about getting an insurance.

Though I'm no way an expert when it comes to financial matters, I feel that it's more practical to just save up in the bank, 'cause then I'll be more assured that I can get my money when I need it, and I can always check how it's going whereas I become sort of blinded as to how my money's being used if I let others handle it. Besides, if I invest my money in insurance then I have to wait a certain amount of time before I start reaping the benefits. And really, I can make the most of it only if something unfortunate happens to me. Kinda ironic, don't you think? I mean, why wait ten or twenty years to enjoy your money when you can enjoy it now?

Also, were I to invest my money, then I'll probably earn more by investing in a business or some property where I can get the ROI much sooner... and more importantly, while I'm still alive and healthy to enjoy it... Speaking of which, I really need to work at selling my condo unit soon. Somehow, I don't feel the urgency to do that yet, but I know it's what I should do...

Well, I may be wrong in not getting insured. I guess I'm quite complacent now 'cause I'm single, and I have insurance from my job anyway. What if I lose my job? Hmm... I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there :P

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Random Thoughts:

I just learned that in Holland, churches get closed down and turned into malls or supermarkets or something like that. I can not imagine that ever happening here.

Well, apparently, church members there have to pay church taxes or something to sustain the church. However, a friend told me that Christians are no longer the majority of the population there but non-believers; hence, the number of church members decrease. What a shame...

I just thought that if church goers had to pay church taxes or some obligatory fee here in the Philippines, then it might not be so impossible for churches to close down, too. Not because people stop believing, but probably because not everyone would have the resources to pay in order to hear mass...

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In Holland, holy week is referred to as silent week. Hmm, we're not alone in the observance of this Lenten week after all =)

Happy Graduation, Kiddo!

My younger nephew graduated from kindergarten recently, and though he wasn't graduating with honors like his older brother who graduated at the top of his class, he was really happy and excited to be graduating at last.

He's a really smart kid but is very mischievous and playful. My older nephew, who's around 8, is more the studious type, though lately he hasn't been hitting the books as much. However, he still manages to get perfect or really high scores in his exams.

I'm glad that my brother and his wife don't pressure the kids to do well in school. I tend to look back and though I don't believe in harboring regrets and would like to think I don't have any, if I had any, it would probably be that I wish I hadn't been so studious before.

I was so studious, it was almost all I ever did. The only real fun things I indulged in were reading pocketbooks and the New Kids on the Block (haha). It was also the reason why I didn't get to watch much TV and failed to watch much of the then popular TV shows Doogie Howser, M.D., and Beverly Hills 90210 (Gosh, is that revealing my age? LOL). If I remember right, the shows were aired on Friday nights, and by then I would be so tired, I'd usually doze off halfway through the show.

I was sort of a perfectionist before, always wanting to do well in everything. Not that anybody pressured me to do so. I guess I pressured myself to be that way. And it led to a lot of heartaches, especially in college when I was thrown into a course that wasn't really my strength. I originally wanted to study medicine or psychology or journalism, but I ended up studying computer science, which involved tons of math -- something that has always been my weakness. It resulted in more late nights studying and more heartaches, as I could no longer reach the goal I've set for myself. Not that i was doing poorly. Just that I set very high standards for myself, I guess. So that's when I stopped being a perfectionist and just contented myself with whatever I could do.

When I started working after I graduated from college, the pattern seemed to start all over again. I again started pushing myself too much by taking on two or three jobs at the same time. While I really could use the extra cash, my main reasons for having those jobs was because I was "hungry" for knowledge and experience, and I believed that I could do more than what I was already doing. I worked freelance as a web developer and web content writer. I enjoyed them immensely, but the body could only take so much. Time came when it felt more like a chore than something fun.

Maybe that's why I like blogging so much 'cause it's a lot like my web content writing job where I can be creative and just write about whatever comes to mind. This time, though, I won't have to worry about researching for whatever topic. Back then, I had to be quite stressed about what to write. I, for instance, had to write five or more articles on table top fountains. There's hardly anything written about those! So I had to make up stuff, which was fun and stressful at the same time.

What I've learned, I guess, is not to take life too seriously and to make room for a healthy dose of fun and mind-numbing stuff. These activities may seem a bit shallow or useless and meaningless, but I guess they contribute to my well-being anyhow.

Although doing well in school and working hard have helped make me a better person, I believe that there's really no end to self-improvement and that there's really no limit to what we can do as long as we push ourselves. But if I don't start having some fun and taking time out to relax now, then when will I?

A Day of Serenades

I was so excited when I found out that Secondhand Serenade was coming to Manila. Kat introduced me to his (Secondhand Serenade is a one-man act consisting of John Veseley) music a year ago, and I've been hooked since! His music is called acoustic emo, and I really feel his songs. After a year of listening to his album, it's still one of my daily must-listens. He writes all of his songs, and I find that really impressive. His songs were serenades for his wife (who he's unfortunately no longer with), and everybody else gets to hear them secondhand, hence the name =)

Anyway, he had his concert at Greenbelt, and since the tickets were for free I had to make sure I got to snag some. I went to the Boys Like Girls mall concert last year, and though I got to the mall 15 minutes after the mall opened, there were already over 250 people in line so I didn't get any ticket. This time, I got to the mall two hours before the concierge arrived (haha), and sure enough I got to secure some tickets. The crowd? Not many of the pre-teens and high school kids. Most were in their 20s to 40s (maybe?).

The concert was in the evening, but I just opted to wait in the mall, as going back and forth from home to the mall would be too much of a hassle. It was very hot, but I still braved the heat and hung out outside in hopes of catching a glimpse of John Veseley during the sound check. Well, my tolerance of the heat paid off, as I got an eyefull and earful of him during the sound check. He sang one-and-a-half songs, whereas most music acts would sing only a few lines during the sound check.

The show was really good as expected. Great vocals, and I loved it that I could understand every word he was singing. He sang everything acoustic, and it was just him singing and playing the guitar or keyboard on stage. He did mention wanting to come back here with a full band, and I sure hope he does! Will definitely watch out for that! By the way, did I say he was really cute, too? ;)

John was such a sweetheart. He seemed like a really nice guy -- very charming and quite funny. He kept saying he really liked performing here. He must've been awed by the audience's response. He didn't seem to wanna leave, too, as he kept making adjustments to make his stay longer (aww..). like performing an extra song and bending the rules a bit with the autograph signing to accommodate more people.

He was really sweet. He was very huggy with the fans. Of course, I got a hug, too (woot!) and an autograph (woot!). Unfortunately, my camera had died by then. It was also unfortunate that one of my contact lenses popped out when he hugged me, so the second half of the meeting was literally a blur...darn!

I wonder when I'll stop being music crazy. Music is the one addiction I can't get out of my system. Will I still be going to concerts ten years from now? Hmm...

Well, I really had a lot of fun. Though I no longer felt as giggly as before (hmm, getting old? lol), I did enjoy screaming and singing along to the songs. The experience was surreal, and I know it'll be a few days before it sinks in.

What an awesome day, though! =)

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Random Thoughts:

• I hope Paramore or The Fray comes next.


• Can't wait for the David Cook-David Archuleta concert on May 16!

Easy ways for musucicians to cash in:

• Release a regular album.


• Release a deluxe version of the same allbum a few months later. The only difference is that a few new tracks are added.


• Release a CD/DVD version of still the same album, but with concert footage in the DVD.


• Come out with a greatest hits album that includes the songs in the previously released album that had a deluxe and CD/DVD version.

Seems all so redundant to me, but fans buy them anyway. I know I do! LOL...

Cognitive Dissonance.. huh?

I have always wondered why people in relationships or would-be relationships use the line I don't want to hurt your feelings or I'm afraid I would hurt your feelings. I hear it said so much, but I don't really know what it means. Like people say this as an excuse to stay away from someone or as a breakup line. I mean, by staying away or breaking up with someone, aren't you already doing something that's hurting that person? Or, like, how can you hurt someone when you haven't even done anything yet?

Well, I was having a conversation with a friend recently, and he seemed really smart .. we were just exchanging thoughts on things, so I asked him that question.... Why do guys always say they're afraid of hurting a girl's feelings, or what do guys mean by that? I was thinking, maybe it's just an easy way out for guys. Well, I asked my friend this question to challenge him 'cause he seemed really smart and seemed to have the answers to my other psychology-related questions. Hmm, he did say he was a teacher before, but I can't remember what he taught.

Anyway, his answer to my question was cognitive dissonance. He explained it briefly, but I still didn't understand, so I read up on it. Well, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort that one feels when there are two contradicting thoughts in his or her mind, and it is usually caused by a deepening closeness or involvement with someone and worsened by how much the thoughts conflict and by the inability of the person to rationalize these conflicting thoughts.

It can be manifested, for example, by people who say or would like to think they're good, yet do things to the contrary. Hmm, an example would probably be a guy who tells a girl that he loves her, yet still gets tempted by other girls.

Apparently, however, cognitive dissonance doesn't apply only to relationships but also to things such as decision-making or even just our own self-image or self-respect.

Well, it is very true that the truth sets you free and that honesty is the best policy. If you just become true to yourself and avoid things such as lies and hypocrisy then you would never have to suffer from dissonance. It would also help to prevent confusion and indeed, hurting others. With all the problems and stress that we already have to deal with, I think that dissonance is one self-inflicted conflict that we can definitely do without.

Sources:

• http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/cognitive_dissonance.htm
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

Chat Over Coffee

As the company I work for is big on employee-oriented endeavors, the latest program on HR's list is Coffeetalk where a group of employees chat over coffee, with the goal of getting to know each other better.

I just had my turn, and we had coffee plus pastries (yum!) at a nearby coffee shop. I thought that it was a cool activity 'cause it was a great way to get to know some of my colleagues. It's so funny and sad that after six months, I still know only my teammates. I IM my SMEs in the local office all the time without knowing how they look like. I even have a college classmate in the same company, yet I haven't even talked to him yet except for a few exchanges over IM.

The activity was quite awkward for me. I felt really shy, though I tried to join in the laughter as they were all quite funny. I was feeling really shy all throughout, though, so I mostly kept to myself and dug into my cinnamon-flavored pastry unless it was my turn to talk.

We introduced ourselves, gave our first impressions of each other then asked each other pageant-fitting questions that HR created. Their first impressions of me? They said I was quiet (true 'cause I'm shy), suplada (again, 'cause I'm shy), very vocal (true), Inglisera (true?), nice (no comment) and smart (no comment). We were allowed to comment on the first impressions about us, and I just thought that the latter two were very subjective and didn't merit comments from me.

Overall, it was a fun activity. It was a great way for us to meet outside the work place. We would otherwise not have the chance to talk that way if we were just in the office, especially since we didn't have interactions with each other. Well, at least I gained six new acquaintances tonight, and hopefully some of them could become friends over time.

So Many Accounts, So Little Time

OMG, there are so many networking sites now, it's unbelievable! Just recently, the Twitter craze began *rolls eyes*. What would people ever do with all those accounts, which are seemingly redundant anyway? I know I can't even keep up with one account.. ugh!

Well, here are some sites I plan to and should create accounts in, but wonder if I'll ever get to:

• LinkedIn - I now got two invites here. I think I already have an account. Just haven't set it up yet.
• Wrangler - Is that right? A friend has been bugging me to sign up here, but after a year, I still haven't :(
• Facebook - I should sign up here 'cause I hear my former team has an account here. Really miss 'em, so I'll try!
• Multiply - Just because all my friends seem to have it, plus I do wanna share some music with my friends.. can't do that anywhere else! By the way, I just cancelled the account I previously created so will have to start from scratch again!
• Myspace - The only reason I wanna have an account here is so I can add my music faves lol! Some that come to mind are Adam Lambert and Josiah Leming lol!
• Friendster - This is the only existing account, but very outdated. Should really do a better job of updating this. Plus, I've been wanting to add Martin Johnson (Boys Like Girls). However, I still haven't gotten around to it.... really love his song writing skills!

Well, I'm glad I didn't add this to my New Year's resolutions! Go figure =)

Office Tidbits

• It feels so good to travel very early in the morning when you feel like the road is yours alone. When I get to the office, I feel like the office is mine alone, too lol.
• It's already close to 9:30 AM and I'm still alone in my team. That will be true for the next three or four hours... or more? Hmm, what's new? :P
• I hardly use my proximity card. When someone sees me at the door, they open the door seemingly on impulse (They do this for everyone). Oh well, just as long as Barney doesn't find out. He told us on orientation day to always use our proximity cards when coming in to the office so that they have a record of our time-in. But according to Big Boss, they don't track our time-in/time-out anyway since we don't use our proximity cards for gong out. There's just sort of a button we need to press to open the door when going out. So why even bother digging out my proximity card from my bag?
• Speaking of IT, It must be the only team whose members I know after working here for six months. Well, that was also true for the previous companies I've worked for. They're usually the first ones I get to know just because I have so many hardware problems and questions. Plus I have to go to them to borrow a headset. Why can't we be given our own headsets anyway? It's even up for reservation. But we have webcams.. what the...?
• By the way, I've already signed my regularization contract, and we did go out for lunch. Hmm, I'm sure what we ate was more than the budget for my regularization lunch. Snickers must have paid the rest from his own wallet then -- for his very post-birthday celebration.
• Well, Snickers and I had our birthdays in February and when I treated the team for lunch, we agreed to divide the bill equally between us, but Guitar Hero said Snickers should treat us to lunch separately. So there.. I ended up shouldering the bill. So I made sure to remind him last week that we hadn't forgotten his promised treat. Well, better late than never... yummy Japanese food!
• Why Snickers? 'Cause he's always stealing my chocolates! Or whatever food he can steal from my workstation! Grrr..!!!
• I was telling my dad that I've got my GERD (Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disorder) under control, and when i try to think of what has changed aside from I'm having better eating habits (well, I'd like to think so! =P ), I guess it's because I don't get stressed anymore. Stress was always a part of my life before. And on hindsight, I always wondered why I didn't get bouts of GERD during the weekends or vacation. Hmm...

Well, enough of the ramblings. I better get back to work....

Enabling Chat on Yahoo! Mail

I just successfully enabled chat on my Yahoo! Mail, which I've been trying to figure out since yesterday. For some reason, https://imo.im is showing as Page cannot be found on my browser. Hmm, IT must have already removed my access to the site. I know my teammates don't have access to it. Well, maybe my time was up.. darn!

Anyway, chat on Yahoo! mail is easily displayed for my teammate, but I can't seem to enable it. No options on my page for doing that. Anyway, I finally found a cool trick that will do just that.

1. Ctrl+Shift click the help button.

2. Click Show Chat Overlay and click the Turn It On button. (Didn't see this button, though!)

Note: If nthing happens after you perform step 2, try clicking Enable Messenger on the pop-up menu then perform step 2 again.

3. Log out, log in.
You now have the chat.

(Source: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Btg2SgQodqdcRLTprcmBAQ--?cq=1&p=17)

P.S. It's kinda inconvenient to use, but better than nothing!

Thoughts About Country Week

I figured I should stop writing about American Idol, or this blog might turn into an American Idol blog, but what the heck, I can't resist writing about it, so here goes...

• I think country week was tough for most of the contestants.


• Hot, hot performance from Matt! My favorite for the night...


• Finally, Anoop chose the right song! Glad to hear that great voice. He was one of my early faves, but just didn't think he was a strong contender. Glad he is back in the game, though. He sure made the most out of the third chance he was given. I hope he goes a long way in the competition!


• OMG, what an eerie performance from Adam! It was still good vocally, of course, but his song was just really weird and strange. Definitely not something I'll have on my ipod. But Randy obviously loves him. And he was right. It did sound like a song Nine Inch Nails would do. A friend before sent me a Nine Inch Nails song and Adam's song sounded kinda like that. Of course, I've long since deleted that song from my PC... haha *creepy*. Well, though I really love Adam, Scott's (who came next) song really seemed like sunlight after a long, dark night. haha. Yeah, Adam is quite eccentric but I hope he doesn't overdo it next time!


• I think Kris had a good performance. He seems really popular. I just don't know why he doesn't appeal to me. Boy-next-door good looks, plays the guitar, good vocals.. I don't know...


• Why does Paula keep stammering? I mean, I like her, but does she really talk that way, or is she just unsure of what to say?


• My thoughts on Randy Travis? Never mind... lol!

The Last Straw

Everything has its limit, and my patience just reached its limit. I've been trying so hard for the longest time to make it work, but with other people involved, I really don't have much control over things unless I take on the responsibility for everything, which is humanly impossible, ridiculous, and unfair.

Though it's sad for me to see a dream go, there's really not much I can do anymore. Recent events just affirmed how hopeless the situation is. Commitment and dedication are important in any endeavor in order for it to succeed. In endeavors where a group of persons are involved especially, it's necessary to have unity towards a common goal. Just like a house of cards, everything can go crashing down if one card fails down or doesn't do its part in holding the other cards up.

I can be stubbornly and overly optimistic that despite advices to the contrary, I still tried to believe that it can -- might-- work if only...

But then that's where it gets complicated.There are a lot of things that should come after "if only..." -- things that I can't really dictate and which I have to rely on others to see for themselves. Admittedly, I'm also at fault. I'd like to think that I should be stronger, more patient, more persistent, more determined, more industrious perhaps? But then, even if I become all this, so what? This is not a solo endeavor, and I would never dream of taking it on if I were just by myself.

Words are so easy to say. Promises are so nice to hear. Even words of encouragement are definitely good, but what do these all mean if they're just empty words?

I really feel bad about all the could be's that I'm leaving behind. I recognize that this endeavor could do so much good to so many, but one person alone can only do so much. Half-hearted efforts won't really help much,and those I'd probably be better off without. I definitely can do without all the stress and worries that this has caused me. Not worth it, uh-uh....

Who knows what the future will bring, but for now, I'm done. Over and out...

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Lessons learned:

• Ideals are good, but they're useless without action.
• If there's no will, there's no way.
• Recognize when it's time to give up. Accept and move on.
• History repeats itself.
• Martyrs no longer exist in the 21st century.
• Caring too much can cause a lot of stress.
• You don't have to carry all the burden.
• Don't feel responsible for everyone. They can and should be accountable for themselves.

Which Card are You?

This is just for fun. Saw it in another friend's blog, and since I can't think of a topic to blog about today, here goes... My results say I'm the hierophant.. kinda true in some ways, I guess... especially the part about being stubborn and a traditionalist. The god aspects? I bet my friends won't agree! Haha...

Well, you might wanna try it, too. Would love to find out what your results are :) I do read friends' blogs almost everyday :P What can I say? I really love reading and writing blogs =)

The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

First Out Last In

This is sort of a rant. I'm just so frustrated that a month or so before the product I'm supporting gets released, there are still so many changes that need to be made with regards to phrasing, tenses and the like -- things that should have been stated in the standards guide in the first place. I've completely read the standards guide and have consulted it repeatedly over the past six months, and still, there are dos and dont's that I didn't know about. And just when I'm 85%-90% done! I bet revisions alone will take me ages again :((

I miss standards and processes... waaaah! :((

Oh Well...

News broke out that Adam Lambert is indeed gay based on some photos that spread over the Internet. Admittedly, the photos were kinda gross, like why would you ever take photos of yourself doing that when you know you plan to join a contest that would put you in the limelight?

Anyway, I noticed from day 1 that he's maybe gay based on the mannerisms and the eyeliner... ugh! His photo on his Myspace page kinda makes him look like a member of The Cure.. or maybe Culture Club, what with the hair style and the eyeliner. Also, when he sang Believe by Cher during Hollywood week, I was, like, That's so gay! (Again, no offense!)

But then so what? He's still the best contestant in the 8th season of American Idol. And at least he's not as indiscreet as Nathaniel and Nick/Norman. It makes it easier to overlook the fact that he's gay, especially when he's giving a hot performance on the show. Not that I don't like Nathaniel or Nick/Norman. I think Nathaniel's quite cool and Nick/Norman's hilarious.

Musings on American Idol

• They have a new way of determining the Top 12 in American Idol 8. In each of the three middle rounds, they picked the male with the highest number of votes, the female with the highest number of votes, and the contestant with the next highest number of votes. Well, I think this did a great job of coming up with really good contestants for the Top 12. I just can't help thinking -- if this were the system last season, would David Cook even have made it to the Top 12? I didn't think he was among the early favorites. He certainly wasn't mine. Although he eventually became my most favorite, David Cook's genius became apparent and he gained popularity only after a few weeks, I would think. David Archuleta would definitely have made it. He was one of the early favorites and mine, too. I just can't help thinking, what if the deserving winner was among those not selected in the middle rounds?
• Why does Randy call the male contestants "baby" and the female contestants "man?" Hmmm...
• In the Top 13 show, I think they should have put Danny and Adam as the first and last to perform. But I guess they can't be putting these two to to begin and end the shows all the time, can they?
• I really think they're all good, but if I were to have my top five favorites, they would be :

Adam Lambert. Need I say why? =) I TOTALLY LOVE this guy! I think that no one in this batch can sing and perform like he does. Looking forward to all his performances!

Danny Gokey. Very likable and cute. Seems like a really good guy. Plus a very talented singer, too! If Adam weren't around, he'd definitely be my top pick!

Allison Iraheta. Wow! A fab voice for someone so young! And she's a rock chick.. cool! =)

Matt Giraud. Very bluesy guy. Kinda different from the rest. Sings well, too. Kinda like Elliot Yamin except he plays the piano and is cuter! =)

Alexis Grace. I think she has a really good voice and is pretty :) Was very impressed with her performance during the middle rounds.

Fast Forward

Whenever something goes wrong, I know that I'll soon get over it, that all it needs is time. But how I wish I could fast forward to that time when things will be okay again. I know I'm strong enough to endure this, but it's that "waiting" (for things to be okay) time that is the hardest. I wish I could go into hibernation during this time and just wake up when everything's alright again.

I know it's not that easy and simple, though. I guess I have to go through things like these as part of my growth.

Lessons learned:

• Stand your ground.
• Be more logical aand realistic.
• Don't be so idealistic.
• Don't be so easily persuaded.
• Don't be so gullible.
• Don't be so trusting (But didn't I resolve to be more trusting this year? Well, I'll scratch that off my New Year's resolutions list).
• To hell with ___!

Bye, Grandma

I got a call from my cousin this morning, saying that our grandmother who's in the States had passed away. I was a bit shocked at first and saddened, but what's more saddening, I guess, is that I didn't really get the chance to know her better.

The last time I've seen her was some 20 years ago when she came home to the country for a visit. Since then, all I've had was a brief phone conversation with her now and then. During her last visit, my cousins and I were telling her that we'd see her in a few years -- when we'd get to the US ourselves. But years passed, and the four of us (2 cousins, myself, and my brother) are still stuck here, and now there's no way we'll ever see her again.

She had been really sick these past months, though. Had been in and out of the hospital. She had also been staying in a nursing home because none of her children could take care of her full time. Well, in these times, we always console ourselves that it's probably best this way, so that our loved one can be freed from the suffering, and maybe this is true.

Although I'm not too attached to my grandma, as I was never really with her, I do regret that things hadn't been different. Well, I shall just pray for her soul and hope that she's now in peace.

Kinda, Sorta Missing JC

With everything that's going on, I can't help thinking of you. You have a way of making things simple and clear. And I think I can use some of your wisdom right now.

You've always been easy to talk to -- about almost anything and everything under the sun. Although you're reluctant to share personal things, I do enjoy and learn a lot from our exchange of opinions. Though our opinions differ, I appreciate that you don't shut off whatever I have to say. Plus you make a lot of sense. With you, everything seems so logical. I wish I could think that way, too. But believe me, I'm trying to live by some of the things I learned from you.

I know you must be really busy, wherever you are right now. Even if I don't ever get to talk to you again, I will always treasure and be grateful for the wisdom you've imparted with me. You said that we should be thankful for the people who come into our lives. That if one day is all we've got with them, then we should appreciate and treasure that, and let go when the time comes to let go. But of course, those weren't your exact words. I wish I could have kept a record of the beautiful and enlightening things you've said.

A psychic friend told me he kept seeing musical notes or something that has to do with music. Hmm, I wonder if it has to do with you...

Well, hope to talk to you soon!

Questions...Questions...

• Why did you work so hard at it and not want it when it's already yours for the taking?
• Why do you find it so hard to tell the truth?
• Don't you realize that sugarcoating things can hurt more than the truth?
• How can you change your mind so quicklyy?
• Why did you even bother?
• Why do you keep coming and going?

====================================

Say what you mean and mean what you say...

If you're gonna stay away, then stay away for good...

Welcome Home, Dad!

I always had the notion or ideal that families should stay together -- as in physically stay together, but now I think that families can still stay together even when they're physically thousands of miles apart.

My dad just got home from the States for his now yearly visit. We're happy to have him home, of course, but as my brother and I were saying it was like our dad hadn't been away for a year. I was just talking to him over Yahoo! Messenger as he was packing his bags on the day before his arrival here.

My only worry right now is he's asking me to download OPM songs, but don't really know a lot. It was good last year because Cammie was still around, and I asked her to list down songs, which I downloaded.

Besides, my dad's looking for Tagalog songs. What I find most disappointing in Filipino music (why I hardly listen to it) is the lack of originality. Most local singers sing in English. Worse, most of them sing remakes of English songs -- and not just old local English songs but mostly they're remakes of foreign songs. Geez, are they too lazy to create material of their own? And as if artists stop at one album that has nothing but remakes. It seems some artists come up with album after album of nothing but remakes. What a shame for such great talent!

As a listener, I'd want something fresh and new and not something I've already heard thousands of times before, and also sung in pretty much the same way!

Anyway, going back to the family thing, which is really the subject of this blog, I just felt that we are still very much a family despite all the distance, and it gave me the quiet reassurance that even if time takes us to different places and that even if my dream of us staying in just one place or even in just one house doesn't materialize, I know that nothing will break the bond we have.

A Bonafide Employee

I just became regular at my new job -- well, not so new anymore, I guess. I didn't get a notice of the regularization, but since they haven't kicked me out yet, then I guess it's safe to assume that I passed the 6-month probationary period. If I get treated for lunch (new employees and regularized employees get a free lunch) then I'll know for sure.

This is just sort of a personal evaluation of my first six months on the job in terms of how happy I am. Well, I was definitely happy at my old job, but as with all things, we do have to move on to search for even better things for us.

What I miss...

Here are the things I miss from previous jobs. As much as I like my new job, one can never really have everything:

• Teammates, colleagues, SMEs. Very kind-hearted people from whom I learned a lot of things and who never failed to give compliments about my work (a real ego-booster! lol). Miss my whacky teammates, the sharing of downloaded stuff, and hmm.. I think I miss the teasing too :P By the way, not that there's a shortage of kind-hearted people in my new job.. not at all..
• Eating together. Again, this is team-related. I miss the sharing of lunch and the seemingly endless breaks!
• Processes! Gosh, I never thought I'd miss processes! They used to seem so fussy, but now I really appreciate the value of standards and processes.
• Technology documentation. Caused me a lot of heartbreak and frustration at first, but later become a great source of fulfillment. I miss databases a lot and cracking my brain trying to understand all those techie stuff.
• Documentation tools. I have an entire blog entry dedicated to this =)
• Trainings. Great opportunities for growth!

What I Dig...

And here are the things I really like about my new job:

• Admin/HR. Simply superb!
• No politics. I can only sigh in relief...
• No stress. Finally, I'm "living!"
• Moderate air conditioning. No more freezing fingers on the keyboard!
• Leniency. The company works mostly on the honesty system, which is both good and bad. but if you're honest, then this system allows for a lot of breathing space.
• Employee appreciation. This company is all for its employees. Even as a fairly new employee, I know I can air my concerns and they will be considered.

It Just Happened

"It just happened." I hear it said so much, it's sorta becoming overrated. Whenever something happens, and I ask how it happened, I would often get the answer "It just happened".

How can anything just happen? We're all given a mind of our own and a capability to make decisions, so how can you let something just happen? Even if something is about to "just happen", you still have a few minutes or something to think if you really want that something to happen. Even if someone forces you into something, it will still be your choice whether you want to be forced or not. You're always in control of your decisions, and unless you have some kind of mental problem then you should be able to stay on top of the things that you do.

"It just happened". Is this phrase, sentence or whatever just becoming a convenient excuse for wrong decisions, or a convenient explanation that would forgo having to explain details? Well, maybe so, but I still refuse to accept that things can just happen -- unless, of course, if it's a natural occurrence, but then that's another matter entirely.

Finally, Some Normalcy

For the past five years or so, it seems all I did was work. There was even a time when I worked two to three jobs at a time. Even my weekends were spent working, and I lacked sleep because of work.

Even when I gave up the freelance jobs, it seemed I still couldn't get a "normal" schedule. Somehow, I ended up working for companies that -- although they were good companies -- required a lot of work to be done and had sorta like "erratic" schedules where I had to stay in the office till the wee hours to coordinate with foreign counterparts or to meet deadlines.

It even came to a point last year when I got really burnt out that I didn't look forward to going to work anymore. That was the second time I got burnt out. The first time led to my quitting my last freelance job, and the second burnout probably was partly responsible for my quitting my previous job.

Not that I'm complaining or anything. I did love my previous jobs and I did learn a lot from them. I guess that I'm just appreciating my current job more now. I was sort of reluctant to move jobs and leave my comfort zone, which was my former job. And it's true that while I don't find my current job very challenging, I'm really grateful that it allows me to finally get some normalcy back in my life -- at least when it comes to balancing work and life.

Work to live, and not live to work. It seemed the latter had been true for the past years. I had been so focused on my job to ensure I do everything right and because I was so intent on making ends meet. But now, I think that I'm actually working to live.

My work load is just right, and I have arranged my schedule so that I'm in the office by 7:00 or 7:30 am and leaving between 4 and 5 in the afternoon. This leaves plenty of time for leisure, which I hardly got before. Now I even get to watch American Idol as many as three times for every show. I no longer have to download the weekly shows just to watch them. And obviously, now I have the time to blog and do other things. Plus I'm more rested now, as I get more sleep.

I am also able to enjoy my leaves more, as I don't have to worry that missing work for a day would cause some kind of disorder in a project or task. And I definitely don't have to be on call (duhh???) while I'm on my leave. I also don't have to put up up with colleagues whose working habits differ from mine and for whom I have to adjust my schedule. My boss is pretty cool and respects how I choose to do my work.

A friend said that it's hard to strike a balance between a a non-stressed life and a challenging job, as challenge would often equate to stress. Conversely, a relaxed working environment would probably equate to boring. But then I guess we can never really have everything we want.

After working so hard for the past years, God probably gave me this job, so I can take some time to rest and have fun without letting my bank account suffer. Again, I guess God gives us what's best for us, and I can't help being really thankful for the job I have right now.