Peculiar World

Got something weird in the mail today -- well, actually, I got it a week ago but had time to read it only now. It was just really weird. No return address, no letter head, just an electronically signed name. Typefaced, back to back and no proper margins LOL.

The mail was kinda freaky -- not freaky scary, well, maybe a bit, but more like freaky preposterous. Can't and won't reveal the contents, but it's not chain mail or any of those marketing ploys to get you to buy something.

Well, it's just one of those things I'll have to wait and see to find out...

Duel With Destiny

I always tell friends that I don't believe in destiny. It seems that a lot of my friends think destiny will make something happen for them if it's meant to be. I keep telling them, though, that destiny doesn't make you, that you make your own destiny. I even say that destiny only gives you the opportunities but that it's up to you to make the most out of these opportunities. Things won't be handed to you on a silver platter and won't appear in front of you just because it's meant for you.

Well, I might have to loosen my grip on this belief a bit. I think that destiny just showed me that I can't control everything -- that there are some things that destiny means for me and which I can't do anything about no matter how much I try.

This has been foretold for me so many times in the past but I refused to listen. I was so determined not to make it happen, especially because I had wanted something else at the time. When it was on the brink of of happening, I somehow sensed that what they said was gaping to come true and that it was that. Still, I was trying so hard to deny it. I was still determined to stop it.

In this instance, however, my strength of will wasn't enough to beat destiny. It happened anyway, quite quickly even, and without me noticing it. It sort of just crept up on me. What's surprising, though, is that the thing I fought so hard against was actually something I welcomed. Does this mean that destiny (if there ever is such) really gives us what's best for us?

Now everything that has been foretold seem to come together and make more sense. I remembered, too, that I told myself seven years ago that this would happen after seven years. I just realized that yeah, it's now seven years later and it happened. Weird, huh? With this self-prediction came a prayer for God and some conditions LOL... i have yet to see if God would grant me this prayer all the way based on the conditins I set (Too demanding, am I? :P ). Oh by the way, to the friends who'll be asking me what that is, don't bather 'cause I won't tell :-)

Anyway, stubborn as I am, I still believe that you have and should have control over your destiny, but now I accede that there are some instances when destiny knows what's best for you and which you really have no control over. In this case, at least it was something very pleasant :)

Thank you, destiny!:-)

Happy Thoughts

This was one thing whose future I was reluctant to take a peek at. I was kinda scared that the future won't hold good things, that everything I know now will turn out to be untrue or different. I have been so complacent about this, not worrying a bit, which is unusual for me, and I was afraid that a glimpse at the future will shake my state of oblivion.

It seems, though, that the stars agree.. or should I say approve? For once, news seem to be good after having had a few disappointments. Even my gut feel seems to be telling me to just go with it. I usually listen to this voice inside me for guidance (which I believe to be God's voice), and this is one of those instances when I can't feel any complaints or warnings coming from this inner voice. Surprisingly, I feel very at peace.

Yes, I do feel like I'm in oblivion, and for once, maybe I should stop over-analyzing things. Though I believe in what the stars say, deep down I'm still quite dubious and like to challenge them. However, this is one of those instances when I hope they're right.

Unfathomable

So hard to understand
Yet so clear.

Seems so illogical
Yet makes so much sense.

Seems so different
Yet so much alike.

So improbable
Yet has now become real.

Never saw the path to here
Yet the journey was so easy.

Something I took for granted
Has now become my treasure

Maybe in time I'll find my answers.

Can't Find a Reason

I guess I use my cynicism as a defense mechanism. Even when things are going well, I try to think of things that can and will go wrong just so I don't get too attached and so I can brace myself for anything unpleasant that might happen.

In this particular instance, however, I can't seem to find anything that would burst my bubble. No matter how I try to think of the bad things that can possibly go wrong, the good things that it brings now somehow outweighs the prospect of an "ugly" turnout. Things just seem so good and so right, so why ruin it?

I guess this is one time when I'll just put my cares aside and just bask in the moment. Should things come to a shattering end (my cynical self back already? :P ), at least I would've enjoyed every second of what I have now and no ending can take that away from me.

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

Susan Boyle is the latest buzz in the world of reality TV today. She is a contestant on the show Britain's Got Talent, and no matter how many times I watch the video of her performance, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

She's the perfect example of a person being judged based solely on her appearance. Thanks to Let for giving me the link to the video, but even I, at first, thought, "What could be so special about this video/person"? Susan Boyle is a less-than-ordinary-looking woman to put it bluntly. She's a 47-year old woman from Scotland, and there was nothing nice in her appearance. Reminded me actually of a character from a fairy tale --- can't pinpoint who --- but definitely not the princess. The audience looked on with some form of disgust on their faces. Even the judges must've thought it preposterous and definitely didn't make an effort to hide this.

Susan, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to the hostile reactions around her and went about being her jolly self, even daring to give a small dance on stage, which made everyone roll their eyes even more.

But everyone was in awe and was totally amazed at the angelic voice they were hearing the moment she opened her mouth to sing. Yes, I thought she had an angelic voice, and she sang so effortlessly, too!

I guess my tears are from the joy I feel at her gift and how she brings so much inspiration to those around her. I know I get goose bumps whenever I watch that video. But also, my tears are probably tears of shame for belittling someone just because of what she looked like -- for rashly judging someone and pegging that person as something before she had a chance to show what she's got.

Well, I've read that good things are being done for her now, and I hope that this will be the start of a good life for her.

If you haven't seen the video yet, then you're definitely missing out!

Stop Over

What just happened?
Was I just your stop over?
Merely a respite on your trip?
I feel like I'm on the outside looking in
But never really a part of things.

Are you just going through the motions?
For the sake of appearance?
Do you do things just because you should?
Not because you want to?
Then in the distance I shall remain.

Feeling Lost

The present situation just frustrates me. I feel like I did when I got absurdly lost in Megamall before.

When I first came to Manila (for settling here), I went to Megamall to have some documents photocopied. I know I could've just asked my mom to have them photocopied for me somewhere near, but I thought I might as well familiarize myself with the mall, considering that I was gonna stay here for good.

It was just so frustrating 'cause we couldn't even find the stall for photocopying. When we asked someone, that person would point us to one direction and when we got there, another person would point us to where we first came from.

That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm not getting to move on, as everything's pointing to different directions. I feel I'm spending more time following this and that direction than actually working on what I should accomplish.

Isn't there a map for this?

Doughnut Day

Back to work after a week-long break. We usually have doughnut day or pizza day at work after a long weekend. It was doughnit day today.

Well, I was surprisingly revved up for work. I must've missed work! Well, I would've missed it more if I had another week of break -- yeah right!

It was also a surprisingly busy day, but then I sorta like it when there's some need to hurry with things. I love the adrenaline rush, and it sure drives sleep away!

Getting Message Alerts Back on My Nokia N73

My cellphone has not been alerting me of messages for weeks. I did get text messages, but I wouldn't know I had some until I opened my inbox. I just didn't bring it to the repair shop 'cause I was too lazy for that and just wanted to figure it out on my own first.

I tried reinstalling the firmware (as Master Job calls it :P ) to no avail, so I did some research and found out that it was a problem not only with the N73 but with other models as well. Anyway, it seemed to be a memory problem, so I deleted all of the contents of my Inbox (haven't deleted in a long time!) and voila, the message alerts came back.

I wonder why Nokia can't just display a message like No space for new messages like it did with older models.

Other bugs in the N73 and possibly other NSeries models:

• There's no Check Operator message like in older models. All along you thought your message got sent, but was not, and you wouldn't even know if it was a network problem or something else.
• When you get a message from a new number then you save the number, the message you got still won't display the name you just saved.

Wonder if there are solutions to these.

Other Techie Stuff:

I really don't consider myself a techie. I''m afraid to tinker with things, as every time I do I end up making the problem worse! I'm so glad I have my younger brother to fix things like hardware stuff and friends to help me figure out the solution to something. Master Job was complaining that he shouldn't be giving me free tech support services anymore since we're no longer office mates (I previously made a comment that he shouldn't be teasing me anymore as we're no longer office mates:P ), but fortunately, he's such a good friend so thanks a bunch! Thanks to the friends, too, who help me out even with games...lol.

So anyway, here goes...

• My dad got me an ipod dock, and I really love it. Sounds better than my stereo. Hmm, maybe I just have a lousy stereo, though it works great when I play a DVD. Anyway, having the ipod dock sure beats having to pop in a new CD every now and then.
• I also asked my dad to buy me a connector (or whatever you call it) so I can watch movies from my ipod on TV. I know I'm too old to be asking my dad to buy me stuff, but he wants to, so why not?:P Anyway, when I connect the ipod to my TV, I get a vertical split screen even when I convert the movie file for the TV size. I've read that it only works with an Apple connector. Hmm, how was I to know that Apple works only with Apple? So I mihght have to buy another connector, or just watch the numerous movies Let gave me on my PC *sighs*. Ideas, anyone?

Happy Prayer

I just got home from church, and I was wondering why I had nothing much to say to God. I realized that it's so much easier to talk to God when I'm sad or have a lot of problems. Words come so easily then, what with my litany of complaints and favors to ask. Is this why people forget to pray when they're doing well?

Well, I realized that maybe I felt like I didn't have much to say to God just because all I really had to say was "thank you" and that I loved Him. I don't think I need half an hour to say that. Besides, God knows what's in our hearts even before we say anything. I guess prayers are more for us - because we always look for something tangible for us to believe it. Prayer is our "tangible" way of communicating with God. I believe, though, that words are not even necessary to communicate with Him. I, for one, feel Him around me, and I know He knows what's in my heart though I'm not so prayerful lately.

I guess I don't have much to complain for now. Sure, my life can always be better, but then there's no end to man's dissatisfaction. I guess I'm learning to be contented with what I have and what I can have for now. There's really no use in pining for things that are out of my reach. Besides, I know God will give me whatever's for me, and there's just no use in stressing about things that just can't be.

Thinking Business... Or Not?

I was talking to a friend one day, and I was telling him that I can be friends with someone but still not like working with him/her (or vice versa), and he said that he thought he was the only one who thought that way. He said that you needed to think that way to be successful...

Another friend says he doesn't make friends in the work place. This is kinda extreme and lonely, I think, considering that you spend most of your time in the work place.

And then someone on the show Celebrity Apprentice said something like business is never just business, that business is always personal. Is this why so many contestants fight on the show? I don't watch it at all, but I've read that a lot of drama goes on in the show.

I have always been able to separate work from personal --- ALWAYS, and I don't understand how most people can't do this. It's like elementary, I think -- Business 101. I don't understand how some people can turn something work-related into something personal and carry it with them long after the job has ended.

Personal conflicts are much harder to overcome, and I personally don't even bother if the person has caused too much damage. However, professional conflicts are so easy to get over from. I can be in a heated exchange of opinions with someone about work and hang out with that person right after. I have also had colleagues with whom I had conflicts before but with whom I remain good friends up to now.

Even with the people I employ, I always make it clear to them that I don't mean anything personal when I criticize their work or try to correct them at something they're doing. Unfortunately, most of them took it personally and have long faded with my past. However, there are a few who knew how to keep the work separate from personal relationships and are thus still my friends up to this day.

I just think it's too much of a load to carry if you harbor grudges against a person due to something work-related. Is that part of the job description?

Can't Break the Spell

After years of trying to break free, I'm still stuck to what seems to be a curse that was placed on me. After several attempts of trying to get out, I'm again here, being tempted by the thought of an nth chance to try to make things work.

Why does it seem easier to put myself through more torture than to let go? Why is it so hard to just stop caring and stop trying? With people vowing their support yet again, I can't help being blinded by over-optimism again.

I hope for everyone's sake that it works this time. But I can't help thinking that it will just be a repeat of past events and so the cycle starts again.

RoboHelp 7: Importing/Copying the TOC from One Project to Another

I know this entry is kinda geeky, but I thought I'd share this as someone out there might need it. I've been trying to merge two projects without using the merge feature of RoboHelp. The merge feature appends the second project's TOC to the first project's TOC and does not allow you to restructure the merged TOC.

Well, since our project was not structured to enable merging, the only option was to import, but you can import only the HTM files and not the TOC. You have to "import" the TOC separately. However, there's no utility for importing the TOC. So I was manually redoing the TOC (oh bugger! *rolls eyes*) until my PC hung for some reason and I lost everything . RoboHelp doesn't come with an auto recovery feature either.

I was almost done and about to go home when this happened, so I was really grateful that a friend knew just how to do it the easy way. I was about to give up as my web searches were all futile. Well, thanks to Gomer, I got to redo something I've been doing for days in a matter of minutes...

So here's how to copy a TOC from one project to another:

1. On the Project Manager pane, right-click Table of Contents then click New Table of Contents.
2. Select Copy existing Table of Contents.
3. Enter a name for the copied TOC.
4. Browse to the location of the TOC you want to copy. The file has an extension of *.hhc.
5. Click OK.

The copied TOC displays on a new TOC pane. You can move TOC elements between the two TOCs that are open.

Taking the Plunge

I once told a friend that I deprive myself of beautiful things for fear of losing them. Indeed, this was an approach I had to most things in life. I always tend to worry about destroying something or how something nice will come to an end that I fail to enjoy it while it's there. I fail to appreciate the value of things as fear always consumes me.

I think it's time for this to change, and sure enough I've been slowly working my way to being more carefree and just living for the moment. I have a friend who always says he never thinks too far ahead and that he just lives for the moment. I used to find this a little too "happy-go-lucky", maybe even a bit irresponsible or uncaring. But I've been realizing that it does no good to worry too much either. The future may not even be how I picture it now. Things can change so fast, and all my worrying may end up being for nothing.

So now I'm just going with the flow. Breathe in life and appreciate the things and people around me for what and who they are. Regardless of how things turn out, at least I will have had these moments to treasure and store in my book of good memories.

Sicko

I just saw a movie/documentary called Sicko. It was one of the very few documentaries that got my attention and that I really sat down to watch.

It was a documentary about health insurance and health care in the US. I fund it so disappointing, disturbing and even scary that so many Americans die due to the inability to pay for medical services and for not being approved for health insurance. It also irks me how doctors can have the heart -- or lack thereof -- to turn away a patient who can't pay for the medical attention they need or to deny the approval of medical treatment for someone insured. Some doctors even get paid more with the number of patients whose health insurance application they decline... really dirty business!

There are countries, however, such as Canada, Great Britain and France where medical services are for free and medicines come cheap! In France, even college education is free and the government provides mothers with nannies... wow! How can these countries do it and a country like the US can't? It's ironic how people in these countries can get all the medical services they need without working too hard whereas people in the US work two to three jobs and still not get sufficient medical attention.

What's more ironic is that people who helped out in the 911 tragedy don't get any medical assistance for the health problems they incurred from helping out in the incident, while the terrorists who are locked away in some island get top notch medical services and facilities.

This also made me appreciate my own health coverage more. I have it easy compared to millions of Americans. Although I've never tried applying for health insurance on my own (I've always had company-provided health coverage), I don't think it's half as hard to get insured here. It's also pretty easy to get approved for medical treatments that you need to undergo.

I'm starting to think if going to the US is really the best option or if it's the best country to settle in. Well, I hope things change for the better soon.

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Quick Updates:

• My dad just left for the US. He was kinda teary-eyed (aww...), while I was trying hard not to break down. I kinda find it hard to stop crying once I start.


• I'm on a week break for the Holy week... woohoo! My second week-long break in six months... sometihing very hard to get in my previous jobs. Well, I hope I get to do the things I set out to do and not just sleep the week away...

What I Think About American Idol 8

• I think Megan Joy sounds like Duffy (If I closed my eyes, I'd think it was Duffy singing).
• I think Alison Iraheta sounds like Pink.
• I think Scott McIntryre smiles like Mr. Bean. Smile more naturally, Scott! :)
• I think Matt Giraud is the right contestant for the judges to use the Save on. Wonder why he's not so popular...
• I think Adam's clean look is much better, but I still like the "emo" hair better. Just keep the makeup and nail polish off!
• I think Kris Allen will be a very good recording artist. He definitely knows his stuff and can play the guitar and keyboards...wow (I'm always impressed by multi-talented musicians)! He's still not one of my favorites on the show, but I'll definitely buy his album if he does come out with one!