State of Disbelief

I went to my favorite tarot reader again for my regular dose of guidance. Although the trip was unusually long -- taking four hours each way versus the usual two hours -- it was well worth it. I grilled TNB with questions for two hours, and though I had some more questions, I just stopped 'cause he was already looking very exhausted.

Well, I didn't really learn many new things. Most were just confirmations of things that I already knew or sensed but just didn't want to believe. It was just amazing how I asked more or less the same questions (phrased differently) and still got the same answers. TNB was getting exasperated with me for wanting to confirm the same thing over and over (talk about makulit!:P ).

Well, I got a good reading -- very good even -- but for some reason I didn't really feel elated. What I felt was something like a tired and quiet calm -- sorta like the feeling you get when you wake up from a deep sleep and you feel calm, yet a bit disoriented.

When I woke up the next day, I still felt that way, and as I was talking to a friend about it, I realized that maybe it was just because I felt overwhelmed. It was just too much to take in all at once, I guess, and it wasn't that I didn't believe what I was told.. Maybe they were just kinda hard to believe, though most was the same as what a psychic friend told me a few weeks ago.

I do hope for the best, and though I'm scared to expect too much, I really hope that most of what was said would come true. In the meantime, I will just sit back, relax, and watch as my future unfolds.

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Side note:

I just learned that one of my friends is super rich! No wonder she can get by without a job. Well, just makes me admire this person even more. She's so down-to-earth and jologs, you'd never get an inkling about how "loaded" she is. Well.. hats off to this person!

Character Killer

Once again, it irks me how some people can be so malicious. It seems some people delight in seeing others' downfall or even causing it.

It's true that envy is one of the deadly sins. Envy spawns many more types of sins -- both in thoughts and deeds. I'm not trying to be a moralist, and it's not like I'm perfect myself, but envy and jealousy are words that are not in my vocabulary. Sure, there are times when I get just a bit envious or jealous of others, but I take these as a motivation to better myself or to try to achieve what others have. In the event, though, that I don't meet these goals and be like the people I admire then it should not be a big deal. I would never wish them ill just because I can't be like them or can't have what they have.

What I don't understand is how some very successful and smart people can let things like envy and insecurity consume them. Why can't they just be satisfied with what they have? Why do they have the need to pull others down when they're not even being done any harm? I did mention that these people are successful and very smart -- truly excelling in their careers and stuff. I was about to add "respectable" to that list, but I quickly changed my mind. The fact they can be envious and think maliciously of others -- and even spread this malice -- goes to show that despite all the success, skills and wealth (maybe?) that they have, the one thing that they obviously don't have is character. With this comes respectability, credibility and integrity.

No matter how smart these people are, they tend to "sacrifice" good character and their credibility for the sake of bringing others down. Now how smart is that? Throwing or implying unfounded accusations is definitely not smart, and spreading lies or malicious "half-truths" about others is disgustingly low, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time fuming -- and writing -- about them. Well, I guess I just need to get this out of my system.

I believe that what goes around comes around. Even I am taught some lessons by karma, and so after I write about this, I'll happily move on and just let karma teach these people whatever lessons they need to learn.

Secret Society Scam

A few weeks ago, I got a mysterious letter via snail mail (see blog entry Peculiar World), saying I was being invited to a secret society of supposedly remarkable people with extraordinary talents. They said that they've studied my profile and that they've determined that I was also one of the few gifted (whoa!) and thus the invite.

They were saying that they would share the secret to success (in love, money, etc.) with me if only I would join them. Well, the only thing I needed to do was send them back the form consenting to join the society.They didn't ask for any fee, so why not? What have I got to lose? Well, maybe the fax charge that was already deducted from my salary.

Anyway, I recently heard from them again, and this time they even sent their mail via DHL.. woah! again. However, among all the documents enclosed was a payment form. They sent me an orientation booklet or something, which was for free, but to receive the next installment, that is, the real book of secrets (it said 2300-year old secrets), I'd have to pay $200.. huwaatt??? So that's when I started to smell something fishy.

If this was really a "secret" society then I wouldn't find anything on the web. But as I tried to google it, I saw this forum where people were talking about the same letter I had received. Some were curious enough to buy the then-$100++-now-$200-book, and they didn't find anything useful in it.... just a bunch of crap! There were definitely no secrets there! Plus, after you get the second book, you are encouraged to purchase a third and fourth book for more secrets --- ugh! *rolls eyes*

They promise that the book will teach you how to succeed in love, money, personal relationships, and how it can make you control other people or profit from them... another dubious thing. Even if there was such a secret, why is it so self-serving? The booklet they sent contained testimonies of how the lives of the society members have changed because of the secret. So if they're so rich then why don't they use their wealth to help the poor? All the testimonies were very self-centered, focusing on how they earned millions, found their true love, looked better or gained popularity among friends. Besides, why would you ever want to control other people or try to profit from them? Won't this be bordering on evil? Wanting to become rich , happy and successful is fine, but why would you control other people, too?

From what I've read on the web, these letters seem to be coming from a company called Nouveau Tech and is somewhat related to Kevin Trudeu of the Amway pyramid scam (not really familiar with this.. isn't Amway a legit company?). Is this another marketing ploy for these people to gain quick cash without really having any product to sell?

The letter I got said that even if I don't buy the book of secrets, just reading the orientation booklet will be enough to introduce changes into my life. It said these changes will occur within two weeks after reading the booklet. Well, I'm still reading it (just out of curiosity :P), and so far I haven't uncovered any "secrets", but will let you know should I suddenly become rich LOL! You'll all get a free dinner from me if I did.. yeah right! LMAO

Monsters

These monsters keep chasing me
Whether I'm awake or asleep
Why won't they let me be
My peace they won't let me keep.

These monsters continue to haunt me
Dark thoughts they plant in my mind
They make it hard to breathe
They make comfort hard to find.

They seep away my energy
They slowly kill my dreams
They drown me in futility
They make everything look grim.

Courage I should muster
These monsters I have to face
I shouldn't let them matter
But why won't they go away?

You Can't Handle the Truth!

This is a famous line from the movie A Few Good Men. I just realized recently that there are indeed some truths that we can't handle. So maybe it's better to not just know the truth?

But when does not knowing the truth become irrelevant? When does truth lose its importance? I guess it does when the truth is quite trivial and is overshadowed by a bigger, more significant truth.

If knowing the truth will do more harm than good -- no matter how much I am for the truth -- then I'll probably pass up.

Sistahs for Life

My best friend Magic paid me a visit last week, and I was so glad I was able to coerce her (LOL) into staying with me for a few days.

Ever since I left Baguio, it's been harder for us to see each other, making do with text messages and online chats, which I'm not good at especially when I get so busy with work. Yeah, the cellphone has lost its "glamour" to me, and I usually neglect sending text messages to friends unless something urgent comes up.

In the case of Magic, I haven't heard from her for the past four months or so and I was getting worried about her when I finally got the guts to call her. In all honesty, I was kinda scared to call for fear of something bad happening to her, especially since it's so unlikely of her to not get in touch all this time.

Well, I'm really glad she's alright, that she got to recover from a recent illness and that good things are even happening for her! I was so glad to see that she's okay and so glad to hear her good news.

It was definitely a good four days of hanging out with her and catching up on everything! It's been maybe over a year since I last saw her, and time was just not enough to talk about everything. Well, I hope it doesn't take that long for me to see her again!

One Day at a Time

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I was glad to have shared stuff with her. I usually don't share personal stuff with others -- close friends or not. Another friend said I was secretive. I didn't think so at the time, but thinking about it now, I guess I am. I would like to think I'm pretty open, especially since I'm a strong advocate of truth and honesty, but I guess I'm just not into volunteering information. I never like being the center of attention or being in the limelight and would definitely avoid talking about myself for nothing. Of course when asked, or especially when prodded, I would readily answer in most cases.

I mostly like keeping personal things to myself, though. They're just between me and God. Besides, I'd like to avoid spreading the negative vibe as much as possible.

Anyway, I was so glad I braved it enough to share this particular inner conflict with my friend. She gave such superb advice, and I was really enlightened! Key message: Take it one day at a time.

Yeah, easier said than done just because I don't really know how to take it one day at a time. It seems whenever I wake up in the morning, it becomes hard to just focus on that day. Always, I feel being smothered by not only the present day but by the next days, weeks, months and maybe even the far future.They come to me all at once that they overwhelm me, making it harder for me to deal with my current issues.

I'm so glad and grateful for my friend's advice on how to "literally" take things one day at a time. It seems so simple, yet it makes so much sense, and it does effectively remove that overwhelmed feeling, making it easier to just focus on that single day, each day at a time.

Another message is to be open minded. This is the same advice I got from another friend. Another easier said than done thing, but I guess that in this day and age, it does no good to stick too much to conservative ideals and traditional thinking. With the rest of the world moving forward into modern ways of thinking, I will only be left behind and left feeling uncomfortable if I don't learn to adapt.

It's true that the mind's so powerful, and how "it's all in the mind". The way we perceive things can make a lot of difference in how we feel about things and ourselves and even the peace of mind we get. This friend had another advice about not reacting so quickly to things...another mind-conditioning habit I should develop.

Well, you know who you are... thanks a WHOLE lot for the words of wisdom!

Tests are Never Easy

I was told things can turn out really well BUT that there would be tests along the way.

This is just the first test, and already I feel like giving up. I don't think I have the strength for this, and to think that this is supposed to be easy compared to the tests that are yet to come. Is it even worth all the trouble?

But then, who ever said tests were easy? Especially life's tests where there are no books that you can read in preparation. There are no phrases or words that you can memorize to ensure that you ace the test. There are no equations to hep you come up with the solutions.

In life's tests, not only do you need to figure out the whats, whys, whens, and hows on your own. It seems you must also have super strength to surpass them -- strength of will, spiritual strength, mental, and maybe even physical strength.

No wonder so many drop out of school. It seems not facing these challenges (tests) is much easier. Why bother stressing yourself out when you can probably get by just fine even if you drop out?

I have always loved challenges and the fulfillment that comes from overcoming them. When it comes to life's tests, however, it seems so tempting to just not deal with them. I'd like to think that I'm not a quitter, but i can't help thinking that maybe dropping out and not taking these particular tests for now would be the better option.


(I stopped writing here...)







I would end this blog entry at that, but no... I don't think I can be at peace with myself if I just give up. After all, if people easily give up in the face of adversities then we wouldn't have gone to the moon or reached the peak of Mount Everest.

I know I'm just rationalizing -- looking for reasons not to give up, but it's darn hard. I pray that God gives me the strength, the will, and the guidance to help me pass these tests...

My Cowardice

As I was stirring awake this morning, in that moment between sleep and consciousness, I tried to remember what just took place, and it all came flooding back. I sorta regretted why I even tried to remember, as for a moment, I was blissfully oblivious and just enjoying my last moments of sleep before I had to get up yet again. As the memories came rushing back, it was as though cold water was poured on me and the heaviness immediately started growing in my chest.

It's times like these when I can't seem to muster the courage to go on. When conflicts like this arise where I haven't much control, my first instinct is always to bolt and to distance myself as much as possible from the situation. Even before the real "catastrophe" occurs, I tend to already stay away for fear of getting much more hurt if I stick around to witness the fall.

I know I'm a pretty courageous and brave girl in most things. Not instances like this, though. With this kind of situation, I always tend to be passive and just let things happen, not really making an effort to drive things in the direction I want.

In this recent occurrence, this would easily be my approach again. It has protected me before and surely, it will protect me again should I choose to go down that road. However, there's a nagging voice in me asking what if I stay? Can good things come of it if I just try to stick it out for once and confront my fears and conflicts instead of trying to escape? Do I just run away every time something becomes too much for me to handle?

When there are pros and cons to both running away and standing still, when logic and intuition can't favor one over the other, what should I do? Maybe for once I should stop playing it safe and be brave enough to take that path I've never taken.

New American dol Crowned

I wasn't as excited about this year's finale as I was last year for the simple reason that Adam Lambert did not win as I was hoping he would. It wasn't really much of a surprise, though, after last week's results. As Ryan was announcing this season's winner, I was hoping he would say Adam Lambert, but on the other hand, I was half expecting him to say Kris Allen.

Adam clearly has the better vocals -- the best among this season's contestants. I even kinda felt bad for Kris in last night's final competition (or whatever) because the judges were obviously biased towards Adam. But really, what else can you say after hearing and watching Adam perform? No one among this season's contestants can sing the way Adam does.

So why did Adam lose? Well, he actually didn't lose. They're both winners, but why did Adam get the lesser number of votes? One reason I can think of is that Kris got the sympathy vote -- a nice college kid, with a wife, and who's been the underdog throughout the show, versus Adam who has been a favorite since the beginning and who seemed to be doing well in life prior to American Idol.

Another reason could be Adam's sexual preferences (i think he's come out of the closet, though I have yet to read articles specifically saying that) versus Kris who has a wife (did I already mention that before?) and who actively participates in church.

A third reason can be that some just think Adam's "style" is too over the top and actually find his high notes quite irritating. Yeah, same critique that singers like "eight-octaved" Mariah Carey gets.

Well, big congrats to Kris for winning! But Adam is just as much of a winner for me. Nothing against Kris, but I still think Adam is the rightful owner of the title. But who cares? It's just a title. Both of them are sure to have successful careers ahead of them, and I can't wait for their albums to come out!

A Night With the Davids

A wish that's a year in the making came true on May 16, 2009 at the Mall of Asia Concert Grounds. Seemingly timed just almost a year after they won American Idol 7, David Cook and David Archuleta finally came to the Philippines to perform.

Of course, this has been a long awaited event, and I was only ecstatic that they upgraded my Silver ticket to Gold (woot!). The concert was great, lost my voice screaming again, and it made me think that no wonder those two topped last year's competition. Great vocals and stage presence!

David Archuleta came on stage first, and he must have sung all of the songs on his album. Just kept singing one song after another, with only a sip or two of water in between. He also got behind the keyboards/piano on some songs. David A.'s set was actually the first "strictly pop" concert I've been to for a long time. It seems I've been going to rock concerts all this time. Anyway, it was very easy-listening where you get to actually appreciate the vocals more because there aren't much of the guitar riffs and "noise" that come with rock performances. His songs were quite sentimental and ones I could relate to. He was also quite a charming kid -- even a bit shy maybe.

Of course, David Cook's set was most awaited. Whereas David A's performance gives you the relaxing, makes-you want-to-reminisce-or-ponder mood, David C.'s performance was more the energetic, meant-to-entertain type. Unlike Archie who was quite shy, David Cook exuded that confidence that others often mistake for arrogance. Amazing vocals, of course, plus great at the guitar. His brother just passed away, too. Amazing how performers can put aside their personal problems and act as if everything's alright with the world when they're on stage. I just wish David C. sang more of his own stuff than covers which were quite unfamiliar to the Filipino audience. He didn't sing some of the songs I was expecting him to, but at least he sang one song from his pre-Idol album Analog Heart. Oh well, I guess I just wish he could have sung more songs.

This concert was really more like two concerts in one and was definitely worth the money, time and effort. The firework displays before each set were also a plus. I really hope that won't be the first and last time the Davids would come here. They would definitely always be the best American Idol winners for me!

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Some side notes:

• I will upload photos from the concert and other concerts on my soon-to-be-constructed Multiply site. Sorry I'm really lazy when it comes to uploading photos but will try to get to that as son as I can.


• I know I haven't been blogging as much lately. Been quite busy with work... long story, but I'll try to catch up on my blogs as soon as I can! The list of blog topics I have in mind are growing longer! I just hope I don't forget them. By the way, this is also the reason why I haven't been logging on at Yahoo! Messenger that much. Really miss you guys! Hope to talk to you soon!

OMG!

Kris Allen, for me, is the biggest surprise on American Idol Season 8. I never saw him getting so far on the show -- definitely not on the Finale! Not that I don't really like him. It's just that he doesn't have as big of a voice as the others and the range of his vocals is not really that wide. Besides, he seems kinda meek so I didn't think he was the type to stand out.

I always thought that the outcome of the show was predictable from the start: Adam and Danny to the finish line. Even my other two favorites, Mat G and Allison, made it to the Top 5. Who would ever think Kris would ever take such a huge leap forward? Even the judges were clearly shocked at the results -- no offense to Kris, I'm sure.

Well, between Danny and Kris, Danny definitely has the better vocals. Another strength of his is that he's VERY likable. But when it comes to originality, Kris is way ahead. Kris is just as original or even more original than Adam, and I think that this is what makes him stand out. He's still not among my top favorites,(probably because he seems to lack personality for me), but I definitely loved his renditions, especially of She Works Hard for the Money and Heartless. Who would ever think those songs could be sung the way Kris did? Simply brilliant! And definitely memorable! Plus -- I think I've said this before -- Kris can play the keyboards and the guitar, which makes him a true musician.

Contrary to what Simon said earlier in the season about how introducing his wife might hurt Kris' standing in the competition, I think that the fans have embraced the wife as well (she is with Kris everywhere!) and of course, I would commend Kris for being very humble.

So there... even though I would have been rooting for Danny, I guess it makes more sense and is more justified that Kris is in the finale. Right now, I don't even think that Adam's a sure win anymore. With just a million votes separating Adam and Kris in this week's elimination, it seems that Kris really has a lot of fans. Hmm.. I'm guessing that the fans of the eliminated Idols will base their votes not on personal favorites, but on the actual performance.

Of course, I'm still rooting for Adam. I do hope he doesn't rest on his laurels and neither do his fans. Well, good luck to both in the finale.. and to Danny, too.. I'm sure he'll have a great career ahead of him!

F.E.A.R.

I've read this in my email...

F - False

E - Evidence

A - Appearing

R - Real

The email goes on to say that...

...the fact is that most of what we fear never ever happens....

So go bust those fears!

A Peek at Alaska

My dad just learned to share photos via Yahoo! Messenger and sent me these pics:

Seaward Highway near Anchorage, Alaska

The moose is allowed to roam around. According to my dad. just don't go near it especially when it has a child with it. When you see one, just try to stay away or it will literally kick your @*%$# :P

This is a statue of a bear on Kincaid Park in Anchorage, Alaska. According to my dad, this was a live bear that they caught and turned into a statue (ouch!)

These are mountains along Seaward Highway near Anchorage. Snow has thawed in the city but not on the mountain tops yet.

Socially Responsible

Social responsibility is a big deal for the company I work for. In my six months with the company. there have already been a number of activities held for the cause.

Aside from our outreach club, the following have been observed/held by the company:

Cancer-awareness month (Passionately Pink for the Cure). We had pizza (kinda ironic?) day on that day (some time in October) where we were asked to wear pink (most did.. of course I did!) and where we made some donations for a certain cancer research institute.

Help for the holidays. Half of the office went on a trip to Muntinlupa to give a program for the inmates' children and to donate funds for their scholarship. Employees who went there were treated to a dinner at Dad's so I guess that served as our Christmas party. We later ended up donating our Christmas party funds for the children's scholarships. By the way, none in our team went to Muntinlupa. We just worked in the office all day (What's new?:P )

The photo was taken from that event and it was actually among the finalists in the first ever American Chamber of the Philippines Corporate Social Responsibility Photo Exhibit held on April 27 at Glorietta. We didn't win, but the photo was one of the 44 finalists from 200 entries. Congrats!

Environment Day. Just recently, we celebrated Earth Day with some activities. They showed Planet Earth in the pantry all day, and some earth-friendly goodies were raffled off.

10K-A-Day. To promote employee's well-being, we're having this 10K program where participants should try to walk 10, 000 steps a day as measured by a pedometer. Those who walk the most during the program will be rewarded. Cool, huh?

Swine flu. With the swine flu buzz going around, the company has distributed hand sanitizers and will be distributing gauze masks.. Okay, yes, the company does care about us! :)

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Other cool stuff in the office:

• We can eat Milo in the pantry.


• We have a shower room. Not that I would ever take a shower there.It's just cool to have a nice, clean rest room all to yourself whenever you need it.


• My pedestal's brimming with tissue paper! Aside from the tissue paper in the pantry and rest rooms, we get our personal supply of tissue paper every month. I'm forced to bring some home; otherwise, my cube might start to look like a tissue stall!


• Speaking of supplies, request and it shall be granted! No need to wait for a long time :)


• We have an intranet site that's like Friendster or Facebook where they say we can also blog. Duhh... as if I would ever blog there, but it's cool anyway :)


• We can request for virtual machines if we need a server to install the applications we are documenting. And it's set up in just a day, with IT doing the maintenance. How cool is that?


• We have all these activities, but it's never mandatory to join.

Good Samaritans on the Road

Just some nice things some strangers have done for me recently:

• It was raining one time and I was having difficulty hailing a cab when this lady offered me a ride. She and her husband dropped me off at Market! Market!, as they were also going to shop there. They were really nice and made the ride comfortable. They were such a cute couple, too :)
• I didn't have change one morning, and the cab driver didn't either so he didn't let me pay for that ride. He told me to just pay him the next time I saw him. He also lived in the same neighborhood. He gave me another ride some weeks later, and I was trying to pay him extra to compensate for the inconvenience I caused, but he refused to accept it! Wow! Other cab drivers would pull all sorts of tricks to get me to pay extra!

Tricks include flattery, appeal, trying to befriend me, or trying to appear stern... Me? I usually just keep to myself so I don't have to talk to them. Plus they tend to get nosy about my love life! As in what the ----?

• This guy has bean hailing cabs for me. Not really necessary, as we can do it on our own, but a nice gesture anyway :P Vanilla says he's my office mate. Jeez, I really should pay more attention to the people I bump into on the office corridors.

Laws of Attraction

Something I learned from a friend:

...We invite into our lives what we really want to receive...
... and we signal to the universe our feelings...

To paraphrase:

... so if we feel like something won't happen then it won't, but if we feel that the thing we desire is just around the corner then it is just around the corner.

...The power of positive thought, energy and belief kick into high gear...

Coolness

It's my first time to work with Aussie SMEs, and I have nothing but good things to say about them so far. They're really great -- very accommodating and very nice. I can bug them on IMs in the middle of the day, and they'll be nothing but pleasant and very helpful. I was sort of reluctant before on how to approach them, but so far so good.

I've also tried working with Ukrainians before. Most of them were nice, but a few seemed grumpy (or grouchy?) and some even seemed rude. But to be fair, it's probably mostly because of the language barrier. They tended to express things differently from how I would understand them.

I've worked briefly with Swedes, and they were generally nice. During my short stint with them, I never had a bad experience of any sort (rifling through pages in my memory right now :P )...

Americans, on the other hand, are a mixed lot. I've had lotsa great American SMEs whom I learned a lot from, but I've also had some not-so-nice experiences with them. On my second or third week at my current job, I had to ask for a review from an American SME who was so brash in his email. He gave a comment about my work being "unacceptable", and he even faulted my grammar (duhhh????)!!! It surely ruffled everyone's feathers so-to-speak. My boss and my team's senior director were so worried about me -- how I'd take the email and stuff. Well, it wasn't like I wasn't used to such behavior from SMEs, so I assured everyone that it was no big deal and that no offense was taken. Apparently, this particular SME (let's call him Oscar) had a reputation for being rude and crass in his emails and that many have already complained. Quite surprisingly, though, Oscar got chosen as one of this year's recipients of the company award for top performance and got to join in a trip to Saint Maertens. Hmmm...

Unlike the Aussies, American SMEs also don't like being bothered on IMs. For now, Aussies top my list of favorite SMEs. Good thing, too, 'cause I'll be working a lot with them.

P.S.
No mention here of Filipino SMEs 'cause it's a given that they're nice. What else can I say? :)