Not Giving Up

I finally got some answers to some of the questions that have been playing around in my mind recently. I finally mustered enough courage to ask, and now I understand more. The answers were neither positive nor negative, but they brought some clarity somehow. Mostly, though, they just made me see more the hopelessness -- or helplessness? -- of the situation.

Acceptance was a great lesson imparted to me by a friend. Acceptance of things as they are. Acceptance of who people are. Acceptance of situations -- that some things just can't be. But one thing I will never be able to accept is failure when you haven't even tried. When you accept that things just can't be just because of the possibility that things can't be or will never work out. When you'd rather accept failure and give up on something you really, really want just because you fear getting hurt if you don't succeed in getting that which you desire.

It's times like these when my stubbornness kicks in. When I truly believe in and strongly feel about something, I just can't take no for an answer. I just can't give up without a fight -- and this is something I'm willing to fight for. I knew from the start this was something I'll fight for and that hasn't changed.

However, I can't make it alone. When someone else is involved in an endeavor, that other person must be willing to fight for it, too. It saddens me that my teammate in this endeavor may have given up already.

I have some answers now, but surprisingly, it wasn't learning the answers that makes me feel at peace. I think that I'm more at peace now because I was able to at least air my side, and I think that helped clear a lot of things. Now, no matter what happens, I won't have what ifs about not letting myself heard.

I've passed the ball, and now the ball is on the other side of the court.