Still Consistent?

Sometimes things are simpler and easier to deal with when they are what you believe them to be. But when what you want to believe and what's actually happening seems contradictory, it can be hard to tell which is true. Or maybe neither is true?

I was expecting things to change (not for the better) after what transpired, but to my pleasant yet somewhat frustrating surprise, things are still as they always have been -- still consistent. I say frustrating because I was prepared for the worst, and maybe the worst would have been easier to deal with in the long run -- just because the worst brings with it some sense of finality.

It gets kind of confusing and hard to understand when the outcome isn't as I expect. Is it because of my cynicism, now slowly bordering on pessimism? Is it because I don't even understand what the outcome is? Maybe I can't understand myself what my reaction to that incident is.

But well, I can only be sure of the present, and what I can witness about the present. How did the recent past affect the present? I don't know. How will the recent past affect the future? I don't know. Only one thing is evident -- that things are still consistent. I guess I should be happy about that, and I guess I am. It's just that it also gives me even more to think about. Aargh...if only I can shush my brain!

How?

This is a question I've had to contend with and mull over recently. To have a goal is one thing. How to achieve that goal is another. No matter how wonderful a goal may seem, if you don't have the means for reaching it, then all is in vain.

I thought I've had it all figured out. I had a plan. I figured that to think of everything all at once can be overwhelming, and may even make the goal seem impossible to reach. If all you can see is the end of the road but the path seems blurry, it can indeed seem like a hopeless journey.

So I've stopped trying to think of everything at once. Instead, I tried to break down my goals into smaller milestones that are more easily achieved, but which can make the road ahead just a bit more visible.

However, even as I thought I've figured things out, there are still some gaps in the plan -- gaps that I may have no control over. With this roadblock on my path, how should I proceed? Now there's another "how" to hurdle.

I was talking to ExtrremelyNice today, and we were talking about how having sheltered childhoods deprive us of life's lessons. In situations such as I'm facing now, I wish there was a book I could refer to. A user guide to tell me what the next step is. But as it is, I'm only now beginning to experience these things. With the many how's I encounter and will encounter, I guess I can only grope my way towards the end of the road.