Still Consistent?

Sometimes things are simpler and easier to deal with when they are what you believe them to be. But when what you want to believe and what's actually happening seems contradictory, it can be hard to tell which is true. Or maybe neither is true?

I was expecting things to change (not for the better) after what transpired, but to my pleasant yet somewhat frustrating surprise, things are still as they always have been -- still consistent. I say frustrating because I was prepared for the worst, and maybe the worst would have been easier to deal with in the long run -- just because the worst brings with it some sense of finality.

It gets kind of confusing and hard to understand when the outcome isn't as I expect. Is it because of my cynicism, now slowly bordering on pessimism? Is it because I don't even understand what the outcome is? Maybe I can't understand myself what my reaction to that incident is.

But well, I can only be sure of the present, and what I can witness about the present. How did the recent past affect the present? I don't know. How will the recent past affect the future? I don't know. Only one thing is evident -- that things are still consistent. I guess I should be happy about that, and I guess I am. It's just that it also gives me even more to think about. Aargh...if only I can shush my brain!