Self Love

The advice I got over the weekend is to love myself -- to be a little selfish and to think of myself more...to bring myself at the center of my life.

Two very wise friends gave me this advice on separate occasions, but I still find it hard to comprehend. How do I love myself more? Don't I love myself enough already?

Even TNB told me before that I concern myself too much with other people's worries. That I would drive myself crazy if I keep this up. But how do I make myself indifferent to what's going on around me? How can I turn a blind eye to the needs of those whom I care about?

Another key theme in the advice I got is to distance myself. Distance myself without leaving. Another mind-boggling concept. I have to be careful about distancing myself without becoming indifferent, as I think that a state of "unfeeling" is worse than being in pain, for the latter is still somehow capable of feeling.

What makes it harder is that I've always been taught to put others before myself. Selfless love, just like the type of love God gives us. Unconditional love, just as our parents give us. To love without expecting anything in return.

Although I acknowledge that there are just some things that I can't do for others and that they have to do for themselves, I still feel the need to help them in any way I can -- be it through words of encouragement, emotional support, or whatever.

This is not to say that I don't understand the reason for their advice. I have enough worries on my own, and to keep worrying about others, too, can be quite draining. Maybe it's time I start taking care of myself, too.

Perhaps I should just be grateful for these lessons, or for the opportunities to learn these lessons. Although I don't have all the answers yet and am practically groping my way around, I guess I'll have to start focusing on myself for now and start getting to know myself better.

Day 1 starts today.