Longing for Change

I finally got some time from CC. After reassuring me that I shouldn't hesitate in going to him for advice, I poured out my thoughts and my seemingly unending questions about life to him, which he carefully pondered upon over cups of coffee. As usual and as expected, he again gave excellent advice, and instantly I felt enlightened. It seemed like my cloudy skies became clear and again I had the clarity of mind.

One thing he asked me, though, that I kept mulling about was that if I was indeed ready for the change I speak of, which might mean leaving the life I know now. Surprisingly -- maybe even irrationally -- my answer to that question is yes.

For some reason, I feel so strongly about it. Based on past experiences, such strong feelings and urges can mean only that it is the right thing for me to do, the right path to follow. Maybe it's also because, for some time now, I've had this great longing for change. Not just a change in the mundane, but something major. Maybe a change in location, a change in looks (???), a change in lifestyle?

I consider myself to be really boring. Back in my younger years, I always just focused on school. When I started working, I just focused on work. I never change my hairstyle. I still dress the same way as I always have. I don't travel to places unknown. I stick to what I'm good at. I don't take many risks. In short, I always play it safe.

So maybe now I'm starting to get tired of my usual routine -- of the predictability of things, and now I feel a restlessness amidst my peaceful and safe life. I long for something new and different.

In answer to CC's questions and concerns, I don't really see the change as leaving everything I know behind. I think it will be more like enriching my life -- adding new experiences to my very small box of experiences, being that I have had a very sheltered life.

Besides, it's not like changes are irreversible. I like having contingency plans in everything (part of my play-it-safe mindset), so I think that taking steps toward change doesn't necessarily mean I can't go back...or does it? Well, I'll make sure I can go back somehow -- sorta my own personal Undo button :P

So now that I'm all geared up for change, I just have to take that first step toward change, which might mean another battle entirely. I have first to determine where I'd like to introduce change in my life and have the courage to overcome my fears over the uncertainties that come with it.

Change is a lengthy process, but I think I should start it now -- little steps, one day at a time.